.....

Depression stirs in this young mans heart like powdered Lipton Ice Tea in a cup filled with water. As the days go on I find out that all my friends or most of them being "ex friends" are stuck in a "he said, she said" and don't really know how to confront someone about something. I have realized how even when I joke around about going to a club and smashing three "BITCHES," gets texted to and told to the girl that I am trying to overwhelm with love again. Sometimes I believe that my life is going to be worth something to someone. I feel like everyone in my group(or who were in my group) only think of me as the kid that goes to them with a problem, but the difference between me and them, is that a depressed kid like me, who is in dire need of a friend isn't afraid to vent, and ask for advice, and that is one thing that I am very proud of. Another thing I have noticed is how the one best friend I love the most seems only to get annoyed be me, and I feel like he torments me all the time, he enjoys making me feel stupid, and he never does it to anyone else. I honestly just feel like I have no one left in my life. I just wish I felt more Loved. I don't know why I have felt like this since forever, but it's just always how I have felt. I feel alone all the time, and it sucks. I have found myself crying when I go to sleep and sometimes I don't even know why. I feel like I can't even talk to anyone about it, and I hate it. I just really want a good friend.

If

david

austin

perry

dillan

soncha

josh c

josh v

lisette

lisa

ej or sarah ever read this, I don't want you to pity me. I just really want a Friend. I really love you guys, and I hate that I feel like I don't have anyone left.

What I've learned....

Blossomed Beauty can reincarnate into something that you could never believe was there. That is "what I've learned." Compassion and love was turned into selfishness and greed of it's own emotion only because I didn't water it down with "enough" appreciation, and my sunshine gratitude didn't radiate her heart enough to understand that "I would ALWAYS be by her side.."

"Invisible"

I've found myself being in the situation of feeling transparent, invisible as another being might say. At times I feel hopeless, and tend to believe that all the people around me are fake, that no one is there. It's put upon me at times that it's like I'm standing by myself in the snow, my surroundings are dull and exceedingly melancholy, and society is playing the role of the snow. I see it as if everyone is there but you can't express to much, all you can really do is watch it clutter, and believe that maybe one day, all the particles in one little insignificant flake will vividly grow into something so much more, a compassionate person, that will be less materialistic and ignorant. I'm not very upset at the fact of feeling like this, I see more as an experience. I see it as wisdom on it's way and to eventually find the people in your life that are going to play the friend and listen to your every motive, and not complain, but give you advice and talk about it.

I'm fond of the experience, and I am going to wait for the outcome to see what surprises it has in store for me.